I've been working on my next post, "Ode to Suicide," for a few months now, but it's stalled. I must be too self-involved.
(That's a joke...to be TOO self -involved to consider suicide...okay, just forget it.)
I am a fortunate man. September 11, 2010, I posted my first Little Bored Fauntleroy downcast, Lilith Fair, bit of depression. It was a full-on breakdown, and this blog saved me. This blog I write from work; I actually own neither a computer nor a cellphone. That I have a job at all is a miracle. That I had the exact right job for a breakdown even more so. And now it is all about to end.
I live and work in the same building. For it I get free rent and a small stipend. Very, very small. But I have no complaints. I am a broken man, its sustains me and I get to paint, happily, in my spare time. It's been a tiny-albeit-privileged existence. It's been easy. And I confess, in recent years as I've felt a bit stronger, maybe a little too easy. A certain restlessness has set in that does after time. It's no reflection on anything but time, but it's still restless.
There are, here, four employees: one complete douchebag, two lesser-so douchebags, and of course your saintly moi.
The building we all work in sold. It's a building on the national registrar of historical places and it sold BIG, meaning it was bought by deep pockets. I am the least necessary person here. I figured, I have six months, maybe a year. The most necessary person here, the maintenance guy, a year, definitely: he knows every pipe, current, leak, quirk. Yesterday they told him they wanted to keep him. Today they fired him.
Life's about to get...Lifeier.
PS. The complete douchbag? He and the new owners speak the same language. The Douchebag will live forever. And so it goes, children.
The maintenance guy: he was a real piece of work, we had our moments, but I feel sad tonight.
Yes, I am at work after hours, I know how to hide here with no one knowing. I sit in the dark, (I am well-suited,) I hear them coming and going, like a world passing by, one where I am protected and invisible and safe. It's all about to disappear.
chapter 3.